To my Sweet Potato: Episode 1
Jul. 23rd, 2024 10:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_cute_batataI've had a hard few days, and I don't know if you're coming back.
I know you had a hard time trying to get used to this place. I saw it, and I hoped you would get used to it, but I didn't see it happen. For my part, I feel like I could have done more, introduce you to more people, but I thought it would be easier if you found people on your own that you could connect to.
You know that was never a problem for me, and I told you that when you came here. You'd see me gone for long amounts of time, because I was at work or at the library, or I was with friends that I know here. I never meant to exclude you! It was just how this place is, especially if you've been here a long time: you forge likes, you find people you stay away from, and sometimes you find yourself fighting alongside someone you didn't know you'd have things in common with.
And that brings me to the thing I have to talk to you about, and why I'm doing this. I wouldn't hide anything from you Amity. You've given me support that no one else could, and I've thought about you nonstop before you even arrived here. It was never a question that I was devoted, but being here that long, there was no was to know if you would be here. There was the suggestion that I might find someone here too, but I figured that was impossible. Who was you? Who was Amity Blight, the girl that stood up to her parents, who fought the Golden Guard and won, who helped me fight the Emperor of the Isles, fake that he was, so we could help each other heal later? No one could take your place, and no one ever will.
But that didn't mean I wouldn't find someone that I cared about in a different way.
Please understand. I didn't see you for months, and while I had hope you would show up, every time you didn't it was still sad for me. So I figured that was it. I'd be by myself, and I'd work on my magic and still help Somnius at large.
Around that time, I met someone. Her name is Aubrey, and it happened sometime in February, where we were dealing with some crazy Somnius nonsense. She was freaked out and I helped her, fighting off stuff that she wasn't equipped to deal with. She was wilder back then: we fought a little, and I basically friended her so hard that I sort of wore her down to submission in being her friend.
Mentioning that now, I see there is some similarity there.
Anyway, that time and when we'd talk later, I began to realize that if I were to have feelings for anyone, it would be her. She was angry, but hurting, strong but weak in places she tried to guard, and something about that made me want to help her, to see her smile a little more. That should have tipped me off then, but you arrived, and I shelved those feelings. After all, you were here, and I figured that meant the impossible was possible now! I tried to explain away those feelings as something that was just passing, that whatever they were, YOU were here now, and what I'd been thinking about then was just a crazy idea in my head.
But you and I both know that's not how feelings worked. Remember, WE tried to do this before, explain
away what we were feeling because it was easier to pretend they didn't exist. It was easier not to get hurt.
In this case, you could say it was easier not to find out I would hurt someone I care about very much. Because I will never stop caring about you, Amity. I want you to know that.
And you have to know this: I do care about her. I do LIKE her. She's strong and sweet and takes on burdens no one sees. She's gruff. She's caring. Heck, she has a boyfriend herself, one that has a husband.
Crazy? Not really. Their worlds aren't ours: things happens that endanger them, and they feel death stalking them, so they've learned to make their connections where they can find them, and they don't limit their love. It's not a thing they contain: they let it happen with the person they make that connection to, and they extend that care to their lovers even if they never get involved with each other or even see them.
Love is a thing they protect and cherish when they have it, because it can go away at any time.
And whatever happens Amity, I'm not replacing you. You might come back tomorrow, read this and decide you will never want to see me again. I'd understand. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you.
It's partly why I'm writing this. I want you to know that there will always be a part of me that cries out for you, even when I'm doing better and life isn't feeling like I got dragged through it to come here. I'll always miss you, and I'll always want to know you are happy and healthy. If you decide you don't want me around for this, it'll hurt, but you need to do the thing that feels best for you.
I'm trying to do that now. This way of love is unfamiliar to me. It isn't a fic, or a fantasy situation, or some kind of harem anime. These are real people with real feelings, and right now I'm one of them.
I am in love with two girls, different as night and day, but both precious and amazing to me. I am missing one of them with every bone in my body, and the other loves more than just me, and I don't care. If I have her, a part of her, that doesn't matter, and I know she feels that way about me too.
I'll tell you more about her in these, and more about me. This is just the start of these, because there's still a lot that I need to find out about me, and her, and her friends, who are becoming my friends too.
Until then, you will always be my Batata. Te amo.
Luz
I know you had a hard time trying to get used to this place. I saw it, and I hoped you would get used to it, but I didn't see it happen. For my part, I feel like I could have done more, introduce you to more people, but I thought it would be easier if you found people on your own that you could connect to.
You know that was never a problem for me, and I told you that when you came here. You'd see me gone for long amounts of time, because I was at work or at the library, or I was with friends that I know here. I never meant to exclude you! It was just how this place is, especially if you've been here a long time: you forge likes, you find people you stay away from, and sometimes you find yourself fighting alongside someone you didn't know you'd have things in common with.
And that brings me to the thing I have to talk to you about, and why I'm doing this. I wouldn't hide anything from you Amity. You've given me support that no one else could, and I've thought about you nonstop before you even arrived here. It was never a question that I was devoted, but being here that long, there was no was to know if you would be here. There was the suggestion that I might find someone here too, but I figured that was impossible. Who was you? Who was Amity Blight, the girl that stood up to her parents, who fought the Golden Guard and won, who helped me fight the Emperor of the Isles, fake that he was, so we could help each other heal later? No one could take your place, and no one ever will.
But that didn't mean I wouldn't find someone that I cared about in a different way.
Please understand. I didn't see you for months, and while I had hope you would show up, every time you didn't it was still sad for me. So I figured that was it. I'd be by myself, and I'd work on my magic and still help Somnius at large.
Around that time, I met someone. Her name is Aubrey, and it happened sometime in February, where we were dealing with some crazy Somnius nonsense. She was freaked out and I helped her, fighting off stuff that she wasn't equipped to deal with. She was wilder back then: we fought a little, and I basically friended her so hard that I sort of wore her down to submission in being her friend.
Mentioning that now, I see there is some similarity there.
Anyway, that time and when we'd talk later, I began to realize that if I were to have feelings for anyone, it would be her. She was angry, but hurting, strong but weak in places she tried to guard, and something about that made me want to help her, to see her smile a little more. That should have tipped me off then, but you arrived, and I shelved those feelings. After all, you were here, and I figured that meant the impossible was possible now! I tried to explain away those feelings as something that was just passing, that whatever they were, YOU were here now, and what I'd been thinking about then was just a crazy idea in my head.
But you and I both know that's not how feelings worked. Remember, WE tried to do this before, explain
away what we were feeling because it was easier to pretend they didn't exist. It was easier not to get hurt.
In this case, you could say it was easier not to find out I would hurt someone I care about very much. Because I will never stop caring about you, Amity. I want you to know that.
And you have to know this: I do care about her. I do LIKE her. She's strong and sweet and takes on burdens no one sees. She's gruff. She's caring. Heck, she has a boyfriend herself, one that has a husband.
Crazy? Not really. Their worlds aren't ours: things happens that endanger them, and they feel death stalking them, so they've learned to make their connections where they can find them, and they don't limit their love. It's not a thing they contain: they let it happen with the person they make that connection to, and they extend that care to their lovers even if they never get involved with each other or even see them.
Love is a thing they protect and cherish when they have it, because it can go away at any time.
And whatever happens Amity, I'm not replacing you. You might come back tomorrow, read this and decide you will never want to see me again. I'd understand. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you.
It's partly why I'm writing this. I want you to know that there will always be a part of me that cries out for you, even when I'm doing better and life isn't feeling like I got dragged through it to come here. I'll always miss you, and I'll always want to know you are happy and healthy. If you decide you don't want me around for this, it'll hurt, but you need to do the thing that feels best for you.
I'm trying to do that now. This way of love is unfamiliar to me. It isn't a fic, or a fantasy situation, or some kind of harem anime. These are real people with real feelings, and right now I'm one of them.
I am in love with two girls, different as night and day, but both precious and amazing to me. I am missing one of them with every bone in my body, and the other loves more than just me, and I don't care. If I have her, a part of her, that doesn't matter, and I know she feels that way about me too.
I'll tell you more about her in these, and more about me. This is just the start of these, because there's still a lot that I need to find out about me, and her, and her friends, who are becoming my friends too.
Until then, you will always be my Batata. Te amo.
Luz
